How To Do The Thing

As I write this, a man and a woman across the globe are separately telling me how bad I am at something. I am thanking them.

This is not something I would have been okay with even a few months ago. I have a knee-jerk reaction to being wrong. Many people do, but few as deeply as I do. A minor mistake is enough to make me want to change my name, flee the country, and assume a new identity where no one knows me.

This has been a struggle with learning new skills through my whole life. You don't start out great at anything. Natural talent is real, of course, but that can only carry you so far— even if you're talented you're going to make mistakes. Sometimes big ones.

Learning is a process, and like most processes, it's messy and confusing and sometimes gives you an actual, physical headache. (I am nursing a headache right now due to concentrating harder than I previously thought possible.)

So, how did I go from "I'd love to, but I can't," to "no, please yell at me in another language?"

To unashamedly quote my favorite anime, I realized if I wanted to move forward and become the "beautiful ever-evolving monster" I dreamed of becoming, something had to change. So, being who I am, I sat down and made an action plan.

First step: setting goals. Real goals. Not too distant to be actionable, but not too safe. I need a challenge to feel like I'm moving forward— not a sprint, but not baby steps. First I wrote down what I wanted— "have poems published" and "learn a new language."

Those are too vague. Not actionable. Too easy to push off. So I made them more specific.

Publishing poems is out of my hands unless I start a lit mag, and I have neither the time nor money for that. But I CAN submit them, so I set my goal as "submit two poems a month." Better!

Learning a new language is... well, I've tried before. I have anxiety about speaking languages outloud, because I don't like to be judged. Now, the way I get around this is probably a bit unique to me— I would way rather be judged by strangers than friends. So instead of trying to speak with friends who are fluent and will remember my mistakes for the rest of our lives, I am currently arguing about figure skating on a forum. Are quad flips overscored? Let's debate! You don't know me personally so any mistakes I make will not affect your opinion of me in a way that matters! (The app Tandem is very good for this as well, and much less... specific.)

Still, it's nice to counteract the sting of constant rejection and correction, right? Don't worry, I have a solution for this too. I found a "hype squad." These are the friends that think everything I do is good, brilliant, and otherwise amazing. After a long day of being told my poems aren't right or my conjugation sucks, it's important to have someone to tell me I'm doing great and they love and respect me for even trying at all. You can't get better if you only have a hype squad, but I can't get better without one, either. Your mileage may vary.

Related to the hype squad, if you're feeling worn down and not good enough, it might be time to take a break and do something you know you're good at. If I'm struggling with poetry and feel like everything I do is the worst thing ever, I like to head to the kitchen and make a delicious meal. I know I'm good at cooking, and having an easy success can put me back in the right mindset to move forward with the thing I'm struggling with. I mean, when I was 19, I didn't know how to cook, and now I've co-authored a cookbook. Clearly I have the capacity to learn! I've done it before and I'll do it again... eventually.

(As I write this I am discussing whether culture creates language or language creates culture with someone I have never met. They are countering every point I make and my head is throbbing.)

(As I write this I misspelled the word for America.)

There is no magic formula for doing the thing. There never has been, and never will be. But there will always be steps you can take towards your goals.

How do you overcome the fear of failure and dive headfirst into your dreams?